Cherington tries to explain the Red Sox’s latest trade…in multiple languages.

Boston - Two weeks ago, Ben Cherington acquire Mark Melancon from the Houston Astros and fans all over New England thought that Melancon would be the new closer for the Sox.

“Au contraire!” Ben Cherington said during a conference call with reporters. “For all those who don’t know French, I just said ‘The A’s are Dumb’.”

It seems that Cherington might be right. He pulled what seems to be another steal, acquiring closer Andrew Bailey and outfielder Ryan Sweeney from the A’s, for Josh Reddick and two nameless minor league players. Cherington continued to gloat and show off his love of the French language.

“J’aime grands oreillers moelleux.” Cherington spouted. “You know what that means? It means ‘I’m better than Theo’.”

However, one of the reporters, who also knows French, stated that Cherington did not say ‘I’m better than Theo’ but rather that he ‘likes big fluffy pillows’.

“Alright, so my French is not the best. Looks like I will have to drop some Spanish on you.” Cherington replied. “Cachorros y los gatitos me hacen sonreír. That means ‘Billy Beane is not that smart.’ Ole!”

To nobody’s surprise, one of the reporters knew Spanish and informed Cherington that he really said “Puppies and kittens make me smile.”

“What? Really? Well, I do like fluffy pillows and puppies but that’s beside the point. As they say in Japanese: ‘Watashi no jōshi wa, hontō no jākuofudesu’, which means ‘I just made the trade of the century’.”

“Excuse me Ben, You just said: ‘My boss is a real jerk off’.” said one of the reporters, who obviously knew Japanese.

Safe to say, the interview with Cherington was over after that.

Sox trade the fragile Jed Lowrie and Kyle Weiland to the Astros for Mark Melancon, who is likely the new Red Sox closer. There are some who think that the Sox gave up a lot for this guy. To those I say: “Are your f*cking kidding me?”

Weiland was not a Roger Clemens, more like a Paxton Crawford. Who is Paxton Crawford? Exactly. Weiland will not be missed. Neither will Jed Lowrie - despite having some flashes here and there. Melancon had 20 saves for a God awful Astros team had a ERA below 3. I’d give you more stats about Melancon but who cares, right?

Looks like Ben Cherington is showing “The Nation” that he has some craftiness in him (and some balls). Could Mark Melancon be to Ben what David Ortiz was to Theo? This acquisition might not be a big splash now, but fans might look back at this trade, when Melancon is saving games left and right during the 2012 season, and declare Ben a f*cking genius.

Well played, Mr. Cherington.